my first poem — lo creí o solo lo necesité

this began as my first poem, not as a song release.

in 2023, i heard a man say not to expect a long life. the possibility that ai could end the world frightened me. it also did something more suspicious: it gave me permission.

if time might be short, leaving a quiet life could look like faith. starting over could look like courage. i moved fast enough that i did not have to decide whether i was running toward something or away from something.

years later, that uncertainty was still there. i wrote a poem because i did not want the clean verdict an essay would demand. the honest center was a question:

did i believe it, or did i just need it a reason big enough to leave?

ai helped me organize old writing and compare drafts, but i kept rewriting until the words sounded like something i could say aloud. the poem did not explain the decision. it preserved the part i still could not explain.

then i wanted to hear the question in my own body. i rewrote the poem as a slow spanish rap, recorded the vocal at home, and mixed it in logic. the instrumental was generated with ai under my direction; the lyrics and the voice are mine. that division matters to me. the machine could build the floor, but i still had to stand on it and say this:

¿lo creí, o solo lo necesité? una razón suficiente pa no esperar.

the song became lo creí o solo lo necesité. its last line kept the title of the first poem:

pregúntame en cinco años.

i still do not know what i bet on: the end of the world, or the beginning of another version of me. that is why the song ends before the answer.

---

the poem, complete

escuché a un hombre decir: no esperes una larga vida, y algo en mí se liberó. lo llamé fe. dejé mi tranqui vida, y lo llamé valor.

¿lo creí, o solo lo necesité? una razón suficiente pa no esperar. ¿corrí al final de los tiempos, o solo mataba el tiempo?

nunca les dije el porqué. quizás porque pa ellos sería un error. quizás porque, si me hubieran entendido, yo tendría que entenderme también.

¿lo creí, o solo lo necesité? una razón suficiente pa no esperar. ¿corrí al final de los tiempos, o solo mataba el tiempo?

fue una apuesta. aún no sé lo que aposté: el final de los tiempos, o el inicio de uno.

así que no me preguntes si fue real. pregúntate en cinco años.